Les parecerá medio cursi que yo escriba este post respondiendo a la pregunta del título. Sin embargo, is a question that everyone I did on this day (one day before my ordination to the diaconate). Well, I write this reflection to remember later, with the years when they have a lot of priesthood, as were the days before my ordination.
First, it is good to know that sometimes God takes away all the comforts one and sensitive aid leaving only the minimum necessary to survive in virtue. All this in order to prove (in the sense of purification) and grow our faith and trust in Him . A place you thoughts of uncertainty and disturbance is not fragile and miserable man? because the seminarian is only one man and also a victim of the devil as anybody else. One would think that it is not decent and that at any moment reach the superior to tell him: "Che not serve. As you go to your house and thought of another life " What are you doing? Well, I obey and what might happen next. And there is no need for external faults and grievous sins; sufficient only that the Devil comes to mind that temptation and then start the inner torments.
But I remember with great joy the day that my beloved and venerable trainer, the P. Carlos Urrutigoity I called to say the following, "I was his heart in his hands expecting anything," Miguel, will be ordained a Deacon of the Holy Mother Church ... " As I outlined in that moment a tiny smile that he could see, he added: "What are you laughing?" Do not think you're worth and you're ready. 're never smart enough to get a great gift "But the announcement was done, and the devil had to retire defeated because he had failed in its mission once again: had failed to remove a man calling the path that God had told him. If anything that makes the Devil and the other man's enemies flee in terror, is a soul decides to do the will of God .
What is it like a few hours before taking a big step? Nothing. not feel anything. It is true that you are "hyper happy", and as nearly biting the ears of so many smile. But other than that, nothing. Nothing special. For grace is not sensitive, but effective.
What happens in one's head right now? Also nothing. Do you know why? Because and thought for too many years . And it was this moment that he was waiting for all this time. If was not for him, and was gone. But as Something drives you to continue forward , although nothing was safe, then continued firm and not lose heart.
At this important moment, I think of the comrades who are missing. I feel for them. remember the good years in the seminary, prayer, study, work and community . They will not have another experience in life better. And I pray for them, to at least be true to the faith and Christian morality. Will not lead a life completely opposite of what Christians are called to live. Who are exemplary Christians and to bring high reputation of the seminary, as a man of God who seeks God's will. Unfortunately, I know that many are far from these intentions. But just ask for them.
But thank you, because I think many who started and the few that were done, and gives me joy to know and experience that am one of those called by God tomorrow hear from the mouth of Bishop that true " vocatio ", true vocation or call to receive the holy diaconate:" Come here who will be ordained deacons ... "How few are called and what we are unworthy to be. I'm glad that God does not look at my misery and infidelity to call at such high dignity. sing forever the mercies the Lord.
What about celibacy? Is not it hard? Yes! It is very difficult. I would say impossible. But with the grace of God, all I can . I can do everything ... so help me God. And do not give me your help if I ask with humility and devotion? Yes he will as he did with many others. If others could , as would S. Ignacio de Loyola- I can also (e Ignacio became holy).
Finally, writing not to do this long and tiring, I answer the title question succinctly: not feel anything apart from our smallness, and that makes us happy because we do not reach the goal of our merit, but because God is great and because he so wanted.
Pray for me to be a faithful steward of the mysteries of Christ.
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